Freitag, 21. Dezember 2012

so what's normal?

Hey everybody,

Today I just want to say something, I don't really know if this post is going to be long or short. I just feel like  I have something to say.
Everyone of us what's to be unique and we all are in fact unique, there's no second you. There's just you. But what makes us different from the rest? Why do we prefer stuff or hate something. Why is it that way.
For me I've always been the crazy girl. I'm loud, I'm quiet, I do weird stuff, I eat weird stuff, I think weird stuff. I stopped thinking about what other people think I am. I just don't think it gets you anywhere. I mean it's hard you know? We all want to be appreciated. We want to be liked or even loved. We want to show off our best sides. We have this dream that we are really special. But I just don't think we are, at least not for ourselves. We have to stop that thought. We aren't.
I never wanted to be like anybody else. I never were. I never could be. When I was growing up, people told me that I will never be able to do this and do that. I would never be good at school. I'll make it but I'll never be really good. I was never the pretty one. I was the invisible one. The girl next to the pretty, smart and charming one. I didn't want to be like those pretty ones and I know I never would be. And when I turned to be the smart and pretty and charming one I didn't what to be like that. I hated it. I'm sooo insecure when people tell me that I'm beautiful and tell me that I'm smart. I'm not. But not because I don't believe in me or because I think I'm ugly because I know I'm not. I just can't deal with the fact. I don't know why, but I always feel that people are just lying.
I'm not normal and I never want to be normal. I'm myself. I'm crazy and loud, I'm sad and messy, I'm organized and colorful, I hate colors and I like the darkness, I love make-up and hate smart-ass people, I'm silly and confused, I'm a perfectionist and I'm warm-hearted, I'm hurt but I'll never tell anyone because I need to be strong. Somebody once told me that I'm kitschy. I fought back, saying that I'm so not. BUT I AM. And now I love to be that way. I'm not perfect. Thank God I'm not perfect. But I'm not normal.
Everybody has a different definition of normal-ness. Mine is listlessness, egoism, lost-people that make others feel lost, hater, people that have no passion and all they do is hoping for someone who saves them, people with cold hearts, people that don't believe in themselves.

I'm not normal and neither are you. 

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looking forward to all your words . xo